The right wing operates
its own code -- a kind of moral Talibanism where the punishment for
sin is death (as in the death penalty) or if the crime is
noncriminal, ridicule, ouster or impeachment. The right applies the
code to politicians, ordinary citizens and celebrities with equal
dispassion. And no one gets away unjudged -- except, of course, for
the right-wingers themselves.
The loophole in the code applies when conservatives -- or more
accurately, Republicans (I'm not sure ''conservative'' means
anything anymore) -- break one of the moral laws. Then, of course,
the rules are amended to create what you might call
``exceptions.''
Here's how it works:
Rule: If a small-time drug user gets caught with a couple
of joints or a few rocks of crack cocaine and is sentenced to a long
prison term under New York's Draconian, Rockefeller-era drug laws,
that's justice to the Rush Limbaughs of the world. In fact, Rush
would have such a person thrown under the jail and then deported, as
he has said many times.
Exception: If Limbaugh himself gets caught copping thousands of
mother's-little-helpers in a Denny's parking lot,this self-admitted
three-time loser gets 30 days in club rehab and a free pass from the
press and the public, who are supposed to be seized with Christian
understanding. This exception would not apply to Al Franken. Nor
would it apply to one of those black folk Rush has admonished to
''take the bone out of their nose'' before calling his show.
Rule: Gambling is a sin, and the myriad debaucheries of
the entertainment industry, including wild and woolly Las Vegas, are
to be frowned upon.
Exception: If Bill Bennett bets the college money at the
Tropicana, he gets a free pass (and probably a couple of free nights
in the boom-boom suite). He remains the official morality czar of
Fox News, where he is free to comment on the ''death of outrage''
--including the complex universal logic by which Bill Clinton is to
blame for Arnold Schwarzenegger's sins.
Rule: The media is unhelpful to the war effort.
Exception: Geraldo was just trying to help those nice soldiers
find their unit's form letter-writing tent.
Rule: The media is biased.
Exception: Fox News has to be biased -- in a fair and balanced
way, of course -- because as the company's executives recently said
in response to criticism from that evil Christiane Amanpour, the
alternative to being foot soldiers for the Bush administration is to
be foot soldiers for bin Laden.
Rule: Celebrities should stay out of politics.
Exception: Unless the celebrity is Gopher, Frasier, Sonny, Bruce,
that annoying comedian from Saturday Night Live who flopped as an
NFL commentator or Schwarzenegger.
It's called the Ronald Reagan exception.
If the Governator were a Democrat, he would have been tarred as a
moral relativist, Hollywood elitist, family values-killing lout who
had no right to speak about politics, let alone stand for public
office. But because he is a Republican, he's free to feel away on
whatever suits his fancy, unfettered by the pooh-poohing of
so-called conservatives (with the refreshing exception of George
Will).
So which is it? Is it right or wrong to take illegal drugs? Right
or wrong to disrespect women? Right or wrong to gamble, to cheat on
your wife, to drive drunk (the sin a certain commander in chief got
a pass on during the 2000 election), or for that matter, to lie . .
. ?
That, of course, depends on your political party.
